I hated this guy in high school and most of my adult life. I Joined an ecangelical church at 16 a young ‘man’ looking to be a pastor, but also confused about every element of my identity and sexuality. This book was taught above the Bible in my youth group and purity was all that mattered. As a result I didn’t have my first sexual encounter until 23 and I married her from the intense guilt I felt of breaking my devotion to God. To be fair it wasn’t just his book, it was The segregation of ministry life. I left my parents house and moved in with elders. Then, it was Masters Comission, where I went a lived in another state and became slave for another church cleaning the church doing temp staffing labor where the church kept the profits, and then traveling to other churches and doing the same in the name of servant leadership. Through it all though was this book and the reminder that every impure thought, every fantasy was offensive to God and he could see them all. I made my escape in 2009 and have been working to get in touch with my true self, but it took 10 more years to discover the identity I had repressed for so long.

Based on what you say in your piece I realize he was fucked up as the rest of us, and I can finally forgive him. Yes forgiveness, it is healing, some little bit of truth from 20 years of mental abuse, forgiveness is good on the soul, and I hope he finds his true self also….whoever that is.